Finding parenting difficult?

Tears
I’ve got four children. My first child was born in October 1992. I remember crying tears of joy when I phoned my parents to tell them the good news of his birth. It was the first time I had cried for many years (but not the last). My parenting had started with much hope and positive expectation.

Fast forward fifteen years later. It’s late at night and I’m in bed asleep. The phone rings and the police are on the other end. One of my sons is at the police station. Could I come up and sort things out? I thought he was asleep in bed. He has crept out into the night to meet a friend. I won’t share what they were doing, just to say that he was let off with a warning. He’s supposed to be knuckling down for the year 12 exams but instead he’s mucking up. How can I cope with the shame? Stress levels are through the roof. More tears … of frustration this time.

It’s hard work
Raising children is hard work and stressful. I spoke to a young dad recently who was angry and frustrated because his son, aged 10, wouldn’t get out of the car to go to maths tutoring. He is also worried because his son hasn’t been sleeping well for almost a year and they don’t know why. They are going to see a psychologist to try to get some answers.

In the internet age
One of the things I’ve found challenging, is raising children in the internet age. When I was a boy … mum and dad knew who I was communicating with because the only communication channel into our house was our telephone. Often as a parent I’ve felt like I’d lost control over who my children were connecting with and what they were watching. I know I’m supposed to control the internet, and I’m pretty tech savvy, but they seem to find ways of getting around it.

How are you coping with being a parent? Or how might you cope in the future?

Five ways my Christian faith has helped me cope with parenting
I know there’s nothing worse than other parents giving advice on how to raise your children. I’m not claiming to have all the answers. And I’m certainly not a perfect parent (ask my kids), but my Christian faith has definitely helped anchor and guide me through these challenging years. Here are my retrospective thoughts.

1. I have a clear moral code to raise my children by.
   Our world is a stormy sea of so many competing subcultures. What should I teach my children about sex, drugs, money, religion and relationships? How do I steer the ship of my family towards the harbour of safety and wellbeing?

My Christian faith has been a clear light to guide the way. The Bible sets out what is right and wrong and it’s a moral system that is good and healthy. It promotes respect of authority, self control, caring for others etc. That’s why in a bygone era many parents sent their children to Sunday School even if they didn’t go to church themselves.

But the Bible’s guidance is even more profound than that. It gives answers to my children on life’s bigger questions. Why are we here? What is the purpose of life? Where do we go when we die? In the Bible, I’ve had a clear framework to raise my children by.

2. I have the power to forgive my children.
   Children have great capacity to hurt you by their words and actions. Especially when they become older teens. Resentment towards your children can build up and even destroy relationships permanently.

In the Christian gospel there is great power to forgive others and heal relationships. Jesus taught in the Lord’s prayer that we should forgive the sins of others as God has forgiven our sins. This truth has helped me to forgive my children many times, mostly when I didn’t feel like it.

3. I am raising my children in a caring community with input from good role models.
   Being part of a loving church family is one of the great benefits of the Christian faith. I know not all churches are perfect, but if they are genuinely trying to follow Christ, they will be seeking to love and care for each other …. and for each other’s children.

My children have many ‘aunties and uncles’ in the faith who make an effort to relate to them, pray for them, help them and give them advice. One of the leaders in my son’s youth group recently asked my wife and I if he can meet my son once / week for dinner, a chat and a short Bible study. I’m thrilled that someone who I respect and trust is actively seeking to mentor my son. Especially when my son is at the age where he doesn’t like to take much notice of his parents.

4. I can hand things over to God knowing that he is in control.
   Sometimes in parenting my wife and I have felt overwhelmed and powerless.

But a great comfort to us is knowing that we live in God’s world which He controls. We know that God has a good and perfect plan for each of our children (even through difficulty) and we can let go and let Him look after the situation. We have especially found praying a great way to relieve anxiety and give us hope.

5. I’m not surprised when my kids do bad things.
   I must admit I had a ‘Meadow Lea’ view of family life before I had children. Meadow Lea is a brand of margarine which, many years ago, ran a television commercial of the perfect family eating a delicious Sunday meal: with fresh bread, corn on the cob, smiling and happy … and of course using their particular brand of margarine *1.

Back to reality. I distinctly remember the first time I thought “I don’t like this child”. I was shocked. But on reflection, my Christian faith tells me that we are all born with a deep-seated rebelliousness and tendency to do naughty, even evil things. The Bible calls this sin. It gives me a realistic view of human nature and helps me to lower my expectations. Especially when I think back to what I was like as a child / teenager.

Conclusion
Yes parenting is difficult and challenging. It’s probably the hardest thing that anyone does in their life. It’s not over for me yet. My Christian faith has helped (and is helping) me cope and given me more confidence in my parenting. I highly recommend the Christian faith as a world view and lifestyle which is good for family life.

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*1 Image courtesy of: http://champagnecartel.com/wp/lose-the-mummy-guilt-life-aint-no-margarine-commercial/