I was at a wedding the other day. I was enjoying wearing a new dress but was also tortured by thoughts that perhaps my arms looked fat.
I was at a work meeting yesterday. Colleagues were sharing where they were up to on a particular project. Next to them, what I had done for this project felt inadequate.
I am working on this blog now. As I write I am being plagued with thoughts that it shouldn’t be taking so long.
“Not slim enough”. “Not good enough”. “Not productive enough”. Not enough.
Contentment is linked to feeling “enough”. Research shows that contentment is a low arousal positive emotion, different to happiness, that supports long-term well-being.
If contentment is so good for us, then how can I become more content?
What does the ancient wisdom tell us? Paul was an early follower of Jesus. He wrote:
“I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him [Jesus] who gives me strength.” [Philippians 4:11-13]
Three words jump out here.
“Learned”. According to Paul, contentment can be learned. 2000 years later, psychologists are saying the same thing. This is good news because it means I don’t need to be trapped in my “not enough” thoughts.
“Circumstances”. Paul says he has been content when well-fed or hungry. I suspect he learned contentment in the lean times - which helped in the times of plenty. We can be content, whatever our circumstances. That gets my attention. To experience contentment even if I have put on some weight, am behind in my work and having a less than optimally productive day - now that would be something.
“Secret”. While some psychologists say mindfulness and acceptance-based approaches are the key to contentment, Paul has something else in mind. I gather it has something to do with Jesus, who gives him strength. Paul knows the creator and ruler of the universe is in his corner. He is enough for Jesus. And as a follower of Jesus myself, that’s what I need to tell myself. While I might not be enough for me, I am enough for Jesus. And that’s what matters. When I take that to heart, it helps me to be a little less self-critical, and a little more content.
A really good question to be asking ourselves is: what is it that will ground me in moments where I feel like I am not enough?
Enough with not feeling enough.
Discussion Questions
- “Not slim enough”, “not good enough”, “not productive enough”…what would your “not enough”’s be?
- What will ground you in these “not enough” moments?
- What will you tell yourself when you notice the not enoughness coming through?
