How much time do you get for yourself in a day?
My response - feels like zero. I’m a mum of two young kids (3 and 4 months). Yet at 10.30pm, instead of retiring to bed I find myself needlessly replying to people on reddit, playing phone games or rearranging my toddler’s toy section. Turns out I’m not the only one. A friend with no kids told me there are days she feels like that - even though her time is filled with things she chooses to do.
Thought to have hit mainstream after a Chinese social media post COVID era, “報復性熬夜”, or “revenge bedtime procrastination” is a phenomenon in which people who don’t have much control over their daytime life refuse to sleep early in order to regain some sense of freedom during late night hours.
Unfortunately, revenge procrastination has stayed up well past its bedtime and its effects are beginning to take their toll. Since 2014, researchers have been studying what causes bedtime procrastination and what you can do to reduce its effects, FlowLab takes it a step further with recommended psychological strategies that can improve our bedtime routines.
However, whilst improving sleep hygiene can help, it doesn’t really tackle the stress or the perceived lack of free time which are the causes of procrastination. So how do we better respond to stress? Can we reduce our total cognitive burden throughout the day? Is there a way to reclaim our free time? Here are a few things I discovered on the bumpy road to procrastinating less and finding a little more restfulness.
1. Drawing the line
Emotional or physical stress can come from many sources, with common ones including work and personal life. Often, when boundaries between the two are blurred, lack of clarity, unmet needs and expectations as well as incomplete mental task lists lead to increased stress. Google’s research shows that whilst some of us deliberately allow work and home to mesh, most wish they could draw the lines a little better, especially when zoom yoga and work come from the same laptop. One (literal) boundary I found useful is to move to a different physical space like leaving the home office to the living area (more ideas here for the curious).
2. It’s not about you… sort of
I found that time spent intentionally focused on the wellbeing of myself and others helps alleviate my stress. When there are moments of real, present connectedness in the day, they disrupt our constant and often automatic thought patterns. When we participate in someone else’s day we also have an opportunity to inject fresh ideas, experiences and energy into our world. But there’s a catch: meaningful connection - whether it’s connecting to your body by doing a gym class, connecting with a friend over coffee or connecting to a cause through volunteering - is far more effective when it's optional and freely chosen, otherwise it merely creates an extra to-do on the list. I don’t mean to say that staying for drinks after work won’t cut it, but unless you actually want to be there, making yourself do things will only grow resentment, not connection. Remember that saying yes to anything has an opportunity cost, it means a silent no to something else.
3. Live like you mean it
In the past month, did you feel motivated at work? If that question sounds familiar, you’ve likely crossed paths with a classic HR Engagement survey question. Engagement matters because the more engaged someone is, the more likely that they are able to remain focused without burning out. While employee engagement is about the level of enthusiasm and dedication a worker has towards their job, life engagement is about the level of alignment and dedication we have towards our values.
When I think about a person living dedicated to their values, I think about a man named Paul (Born Saul of Tarsus). Paul was an early and influential follower of Jesus (first century AD), and after he was again imprisoned for his outspoken and fearless public speaking, he said:
I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was pelted with stones, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my fellow Jews, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false believers. I have laboured and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. [2 Cor 11:23-27]
Paul had a hard, stress-filled life. But he did not seem to be suffering from revenge procrastination because he was engaged, living dedicated to what he valued most.
Living like I mean it
Paul and I have completely different lives. But as I too am a follower of Jesus, it’s got me thinking how I want my days to be shaped by what I value the most. Mornings are still not my favourite time of day but in the still and quiet moment before the chaos of the day begins, I read my Bible and pray. As I do those things I am reminded that I too am known by God. It’s comforting - like a warm hug, filling me up with purposefulness. When I leave the boundary of my bedroom, that connectedness sends me out to my day a little lighter.
And at the end of the day, when I reflect on what happened during the day, I remember other words Paul said: “our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all” [2 Cor 4:17]. The things that seemed so big during the day are really not that big in the scheme of things. I am reminded that I don’t need to take so much revenge on my time before clocking out for the night because I have already found an eternal rest for my soul.
Discussion questions
Q1. Do you suffer from revenge bedtime procrastination?
Q2. How do you connect meaningfully with yourself?
Q3. How do you connect meaningfully with others?
Q4. What makes a day purposeful for you?
