Sharing faith with your friends long term

As Christians we all know we need to share Jesus with non-Christian colleagues or friends. But if they’re not interested, then what should we do? Give up and move on to other people who are more interested?

How I met my friend

Let me tell you a story of sharing Jesus with my friend that took 18 years to see the fruit. I met Amanda* 19 years ago in a foundation year in Jakarta, Indonesia. It was a one-year program to help international students adjust to studying at a university in Australia. I was the nerd, who spent most of my time studying, while Amanda was the fun, spontaneous person. Later, we both moved to Sydney, where we took the same uni course and often studied together.

I became a Christian in my first year of uni through the international student ministry on UNSW campus. 18 years later, Amanda became a Christian. How did it happen? Coffee Dinner Gospel.

Coffee, Dinner, Gospel

In his book “How To Talk About Jesus Without Being THAT Guy”, public evangelist Sam Chan described 3 easy steps to sharing Jesus with our friends. Begin with “Coffee”, a safe invitation to build relationships over small talk. After you’ve done coffee a few times, invite your friend for a meal (“Dinner”). This opens a deeper conversation over things they value. When we provide a safe place and listening empathetically, they may be open for even deeper conversation about worldviews or what they believe. This is the “Gospel” step that presents us with opportunities to talk about Jesus.

Study, Lunch, Gospel?

Coffee Dinner Gospel sounds easy, but it's not linear and it can take years before someone becomes a Christian. My “Coffee” with Amanda started in the library of UNSW where we studied together, sometimes we had actual coffee, sometimes not. We talked about uni stuff, assignments and exams. Then we had numerous “Lunches” during our break from classes. I learned that Amanda had a Catholic background but that she was not practicing. She believed she needed to be a good person, but deep down she knew she wasn’t, so she often felt guilty. I invited her to church, but she declined. I remembered reading Mark’s Gospel with her in our third year of uni (the “Gospel” step) but it didn’t go anywhere. After seeing her disinterest in Christianity, eventually I slowly stopped trying to share the gospel with her.

It made me wonder, how long should we do this Coffee Dinner Gospel process before they come to faith? What if they are not interested? My pastor once said that if we have unbelieving friends who are not interested with the gospel, we can only keep being friends with them. When they have existential questions of life, meaning, purpose, etc, then we are there to answer their questions.

Faithful Friendship

So I persevered in my friendship with Amanda. After uni we drifted apart for a time, but we stayed in touch. For about 10 years, we saw each other maybe 2-3 times a year for birthday catch-ups with another uni friend. Then about 5 years ago our friendship deepened at a hens party where I shared my struggles with mental health and family conflict and the difference my faith in Jesus made during those hard times. It changed her perception of me. She once thought I was a tall, beautiful and perfect person, but then she realised I was just a normal person with struggles in life. It encouraged her to be open about her life too. About 3 years ago she shared her struggles at work and at home with me. When I asked “Can I pray for you?” She said “No, I'm skeptical about God”, but at least she trusted me enough to share her struggles.

The crisis

Then early this year there was a crisis in her life that made her question life and death, heaven & hell. She was genuinely scared of death and going to hell. I was able to be there for her, comforting her while sharing that I don’t fear death because I have Jesus who gives me eternal life. She said, “I want to renew my faith, can you please share your faith?” And I said, “Of course!”. I asked her to read Bible 1-1 with me and she said yes. At the end of Mark’s Gospel, she put her trust in Jesus. Praise God! Now she’s attending a local church with her family.

After 18 years of countless Coffees and Dinners and several Gospel conversations, finally she came to faith. Hope this story can encourage you to:

1. Cultivate the friendship long term, be a good friend with them so when they have existential questions about life then they know who to turn to
2. Don’t give up on talking about Jesus with them
3. Be patient in prayer

When you share Jesus with unbelievers, don’t be discouraged if they said no. A “no” now doesn’t mean a “no” later. Keep persevering in sharing “Coffee Dinner Gospel” with your friends and family, even if that takes 18, 25, 30 or 40 years.

* Not her real name

^{Photo by Mikhail Nilov: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-in-white-button-up-shirt-holding-green-and-white-ceramic-mug-8101576/}